The underwear you gave me aren’t mine

After you breakup with someone there is always the awkward meet-up to exchange the items you stocked away at each others house. He had a drawer; I had a box under the sink. He had way more stuff at my house than I did at his…RED FLAG! I think he mainly had more of his stuff at mine because I had a washer and had mistaken me for his mother? Either way, more stuff than he needed to have there. After I dropped his crap at his house, a few days later I found more! So I texted him and asked if I could drop it by and he offered to pick it up. After pleading with me to take him back on my porch we said our goodbyes and an hour later I got a text “the underwear you gave me aren’t mine”. Thank god it was a text and not in person because I was must have looked like a deer in headlights as he almost runs me over with his 1998 Lexus Coupe. I take a moment, regroup and realized OMG I just gave my EX-BOYFRIEND my EX-HUSBANDS underwear! (Let’s rewind for one moment…I had just cleaned out the laundry room and found a bunch of crap behind the dryer. I threw everything in the wash and when I took it out of the dryer made an ex-boyfriend pile and forgot about it…never thinking my ex-husbands stuff would even still be in my house. Don’t judge me…how often do you clean behind your dryer! See…I am still perfect!) Anyway, so fast forward to texting him back. I completely blame it on my nanny! I told him that my nanny had just washed her boyfriends stuff at my house the other day. I said, just toss them…he will never notice! Then I realized my ex-husbands underwear is sitting in my ex-boyfriends trash! That is just flippin’ perfect…can my life get anymore entertaining!? If someone ever gets a drawer again, I’ll invest in a label maker!

Southern Boy

 

When you Google© Southern Boy the Urban Dictionary defines this man as a “white male that has manners and believes in traditional values”. I am sorry but this is a smoke screen to the real Southern Boy…or at least the Southern Boy I met last week. Now let me start off with a disclaimer…not all Southern Boys fall into the story I am about to share with you…and if you found a good Southern Boy hold him close because he might be a rare find in California! This man I met seemed very nice at first. I was planning on seeing a movie by myself on a Saturday night and he asked if he could join. Sure, why not…just don’t try to talk to me while I am watching the movie and try to hold my hand or touch my leg and I will move to the other side of the theater, throw on a wig and you’ll never find me in the sea of people! He was very nice…purchased my movie ticket, popcorn, opened doors and most of all didn’t try to touch me! First RED FLAG…he said he has a rule book. Girls, let me tell you this…red flags are usually not a figment of your imagination! They are signs from whatever god you pray to, women’s intuition, or whatever else you want to call it…they are just that…RED FLAGS! I will get into RED FLAGS another time…for now we are talking Southern Boy. We grab a coffee after the movie and walk around the bookstore for an hour talking. He offered up great conversation and after the book store closed we headed over for a very late dinner. Again, great conversation and ended the night without a kiss…just a hug! There is nothing wrong with not kissing on the first date. REMEMBER you need to respect yourself before anyone else will respect you. He asked me out the next day and I said yes. Sure, why the heck not…he said lets do lunch after church. Well apparently he meant that he was going to watch me eat lunch after church while we walked around the mall. Okay, right then I should have walked away but I thought, I am already here…why not see what he has to offer. Lord help me for what happened next…he wanted to see ANOTHER movie. So I agreed, we see another movie and I put up that imaginary wall so he wouldn’t touch me. By the end of the movie he had my hand like we were in 8th grade! Give me a break guy…buy me lunch first! That is 1st base if I was 14! Date ends and again no kiss...I am 30 years old…I am not making out in a parking lot in broad daylight where children are passing by. So I gave him a hug and said adios! We talked a lot over the next few days and I realized he was not the man for me. Remember, we just met on Saturday…by Thursday we had seen each other three times and he mentioned in passing that I was his girlfriend. Okay dude, I didn’t realize I was placed on a shelf for purchase…if that is the case, I am defective…return my ass! The last straw with this man is he expected me to pay for dinner on Friday night because I suggested it. Oh yea, forgot to mention…another rule he has…suggestion rule. Southern Boy Definition: When in a relationship…You suggest, you pay. Ummm…excuse me sir, but I didn’t realize we were in a relationship! So I told him, we aren’t in a relationship and ended it right there! True colors came shining through; I was told I was greedy, selfish, etc. I really feel sorry for the next girl that comes in contact with this Southern Boy. Long story long…he was a jerk. Another man down…who’s next?

Rebound what?

Okay, don't lie to me or yourself...we have all done it. Say it with me, rebound relationship.  Doesn't that feel better...getting it off your chest so you don't judge me?  Just kidding, that wasn't for my benefit at all!

Rebound relationships...raising my hand...just ended one in December!  We may not be proud of it but if you did it right then maybe you scored a few nice dinners.  BUT most likely you did it just like I did, wasted your time and money...and it was totally selfish of you to do so.  Someone always gets hurt in the rebound relationship.  Most likely both of you leave upset from the rebound relationship but girls there is a way to avoid a rebound relationship...avoid men at all cost!  OMG I am totally kidding...that is just impossible if you are a Maneater!  Don't give yourself all at once to a man.  If he is the right man he will get all of you eventually...don't give him the satisfaction of everything you got in the first week.  That's borderline crazy!

How do you know if you are headed into a rebound relationship? 
#1, after an upsetting breakup you immediately involve yourself with a man.

If your car broke down today, would you take the time and money to fix it or would you dump it and run out to the next car dealer you saw on the highway to purchase a car?  OMG no you would  NOT do that...so why would you do that with your heart? 

We all miss the comfort and security of a relationship.  Knowing that person will tuck you in emotionally each night.  But it has to be the right man.  The idea that someone loves you and needs you.  Honestly girls, you need to learn to love and need yourself first.  This is a very hard truth to come to grips with...believe me I am still trying to do this myself but until you truly love yourself there is no room for someone else.

So lesson learned...no rebounds!  And if you are in one now...ask yourself why, get a nice dinner out of it and then break up with him.

Who's next?

"Aha" Defined and many others...

As we post more of our experiences, we will often refer to "aha" moments that totally require a definition! So here you go..."aha" defined!

Aha moment is defined as: An instant at which the solution to a problem becomes clear

True colors is defined as: An individuals true character as opposed to what might be portrayed

Red Flag is defined as: A warning signal. Something that demands attention or provokes an
irritated reaction.

You may ask why...

...we decided to start a blog unveiling all our dirty secrets of the dating world.  There is no words that can describe the outrageous men we have come across over the past years.  There have been rich men, poor men, ugly men and pretty men.  There have been shy men and boisterous men, mama's boys and...well...what do you call a man that is still attached...oh yea mama's boys...lots of those!  But between the two of us we still are on the quest (as many of you are) to find the perfect man.  Does he exist, yea sure...he's most likely married to your best friend.  But until he is cloned, we are on the search for a man that is near perfect.  Someone that is perfect in our eyes.  And if he isn't perfect in your eyes...take off your contact to blur him...is he perfect now?  So to answer your question, why are we starting a blog about our crazy dating experiences...because we want you to know that you ARE NOT ALONE!  We have all come in contact with these guys...let's just not make the same mistake twice, three times or even a forth!